Duke Nukem or the original Doom. Sonic the hedgehog, Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat is right up there with them too.

It's freezing in here. My heater is broken and they haven't come in to fix it. It feels like winter in here.

So I've been feeling really weird lately and I looked up some shit and I think I found what I have.

Dizziness:
When you might feel dizziness

• Fainting or near fainting such as "at the sight of blood" or with emotional upset
  
• Fainting or near fainting from standing up too quickly or standing still too long
  
• Weakness during a flu, cold, or other illness
  
• Seasickness or motion sickness
  
• Queasiness, nausea, or vomiting
  
• Confused thinking
  
• Fatigue, tiredness, or daytime sleepiness
  
• Clumsy hands or stumbling walking

• Nearly any symptom or group of symptoms may accompany dizziness. These depend on the ultimate cause.

• Faintness ("light-headedness") or actual fainting
   
• Weakness
   
• Confusion
   
• Tiredness

• Off balance
   
• Headache or head pressure
   
• Facial numbness, weakness, or facial droop
   
• Eye pain, vision loss or changes, blind spots, twinkling lights
   
• Dry mouth
   
• Ringing in ears, decreased hearing

• Chest: pain (tightness, squeezing, burning, or pressure), shortness of breath, palpitations, jaw pain
   
• Abdomen: nausea, vomiting, pain, cramping
   
• Extremities (arms and legs): tingling, weakness, clumsiness or weakness, fast, slow, or irregular pulses

Anxiety:
Anxiety can be accompanied by a variety of physical symptoms. Most commonly, these symptoms are related to the heart, lungs, nervous, and gastrointestinal systems. You may have upset stomach, diarrhea, trouble breathing, feel as if you may faint or are having a heart attack.

Panic disorder: In addition to attacks of anxiety, called panic attacks, common symptoms of panic disorders are stomach upset, palpitations (feeling your heart beat), dizziness, and shortness of breath. These same symptoms also can be caused by caffeine consumption, amphetamines ("speed" is the street slang for amphetamines when they are not prescribed by a doctor), an overactive thyroid, abnormal heart rhythms, and other heart abnormalities (such as mitral valve prolapse). The panic attack sufferer may experience their mind going blank or that they somehow do not feel real, in that they feel as if they are looking at themselves from outside of themselves. In order to qualify for the diagnosis of panic disorder, the individual would experience repeated panic attacks rather than just one episode.

Generalized anxiety disorder: Those who endure this condition experience numerous worries that are more often on the mind of the sufferer than not. Those worries interfere with the person's ability to sleep or otherwise function.

Panic disorder: recurrent episodes of panic attacks, worry about having an attack, about what it means, or changing the way one behaves because of the panic attacks for at least a month. Panic attacks are separate and intense periods of fear or feelings of doom developing over a very short time frame-10 minutes-and they're associated with at least four of the following:

• Palpitations
  
• Sweating
  
• Trembling
  
• Shortness of breath
  
• Sense of choking
  
• Chest pain
  
• Nausea or other stomach upset
  
• Dizziness
  
• A feeling of being detached from the world (derealization)
  
• Being unable to think, feeling as if the mind has gone blank
  
• Fear of dying
  
• Numbness or tingling
  
• Chills or hot flashes

Generalized anxiety disorder: excessive, unrealistic, and difficult to control worry over a period of at least six months. It's associated with three of the following:

• Restlessness
  
• Easily tired
  
• Trouble concentrating
  
• Irritability
  
• Muscle tension
  
• Sleep problems

Phobic disorders: intense, persistent, and recurring fear of certain objects (such as snakes, spiders, or blood) or situations (such as heights, speaking in front of a group, or public places). These exposures may trigger a panic attack.

What a lot of reading huh? Well thats exactly how I feel. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in or at least like my eyes are some kind of window and my head is a house and I'm looking out and everything feels dizzy. Then I get this weird wave feeling that comes over me and I feel either sick or light headed. My anxiety gets so bad that it makes me feel physically sick. I should probably go see a doctor. I just wish it would go away cause the thought of going to the doctor makes me feel uneasy too. When I think of the most simple shit, like going to the store or to the doctor or dentist my body feels like it just wants to give out and faint. I really really really hate this feeling.
It came on out of no where too. They say you can get vertigo from flying or a head injury. I've done both. I fainted a couple times, one from seeing blood(my own) and one from getting my septum pierced and I think that might have done something cause ever since then I've been a little fucked up. Well actually I don't think it was from flying cause I had that sickness/light headed feeling while I got on a plane. I wish doctors made house calls cause I'm fine when I'm at home, even though when people are around me I feel anxious. Oh well. It's time for a hot bath cause I'm fucking frozen.

You know what really grinds me gears?
When people pronounce potato: Po-TAH-toe. It's po-tay-toe.
When people pronounce tomato: To-MAH-toe. It's to-may-toe.

You know what? Lets call the whole thing off.

Speaking of tomatoes, you know what also grinds my gears?
Tomato. Is it a fruit or a vegetable? We all know it's a fruit but it's labeled as a vegetable and it doesn't seem to mind that. You know what, if your going to be a fruit, be a fruit. There's nothing wrong with being a fruit, tomato, so just pick one already. This is one time you can't swing both ways, Tomato. It makes it harder to determine which part of the fruit/vegetable area you would be found in in the store.

1. I hate having my nails painted(unless they are fake nails) but my toe nails MUST always have nail polish on them or I feel naked.
2. I have a strange fashion sense but I love it. I get weird looks for it too.
3. I think I have an annoying voice and I think I talk funny(like Winnona Ryder)
4. When I'm sleeping I can wake up just by someone smoking a cigarette around me or the smell of their food.
5. I don't like when people look at me, it makes me feel uncomfortable.
6. I love to smile but I hate doing it cause I know my teeth are messed up.
7. Mountain dew is not something I should drink before bed.
8. I get unhealthy obsessions over things like hunky movie stars(ie. Timothy Olyphant) or certain songs. Okay so unhealthy isn't the word for it but I get overly obsessed sometimes and it drives me nuts. I get phases of things I'm obsessed with and I have to have everything about them (like pictures or movies or what have you)
9. I used to hate reading and now I'm always doing it, weather it be a book or fan fiction. I'm very picky about the subject or the content of the book.
10. Sometimes I think I'm a little dyslexic.
11. I still have trouble reading clocks(the ones with the hands). I don't know why.
12. I'm good at memorizing things.
13. I always get this impending doom that I'm going to pass out all the time in public.
14. I'd be lost with out google.
15. I always want to write and I'm always day dreaming about things but when I go to write it down it never turns out like it is in my head.
16. Sometimes I don't make sense at all.
17. I will crack a dry joke and no one will get it and it makes me feel stupid.
18. I wish I could be more artsy.
19. I wish I wasn't such a flake sometimes.
20. I wish I could fall asleep easier.
21. I wish I could be a comic book character.
22. I wish I wasn't so weird sometimes.
23. I think I might have agoraphobia.
24. Sometimes I feel like my life is completely a waste of time and I feel like a complete waste of a person.
25. I wish I wasn't so scared of everything, I never used to be.


TO BE CONTINUED...

I'm feeling very sad today.
I saw an old man on the bus who reminded me of my father, though he looked nothing like my father. There was just something about him and I realized that I miss my dads hugs.
I almost started crying on the bus. Then we passed this fire station that reminded me of the one I used to pass all the time is Wausau. I just need to go home if only to just visit. It's been too long and the last time I was there was not on good terms(and the time before that). Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be stuck in Colorado for the rest of my life. Good lord I hope not! I never thought I'd want to go back to the tiny town where nothing ever fucking happens, but it's home. Colorado is not my home and never will be.

There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.

I had a weird dream about Voltron and Thundercats making a movie, like together.
I was in this weird parking garage thing but it was full of dirt like for moter cross. The matches and a couple more bands were in my dream for some reason. I can't remember what happened with that but I remember them racing some hot ass cars. I some how ended up in this really huge fancy theater. First, there weren't many people and the theater looked small, then later on the place looked huge. The screen was giant and there were white Greek like pillars. Anyway, I guess I was at the premiere for the movie and I was hanging out with the actors. I guess I fell in love with the dude who played Keith and we spent the rest of the night making out. I became friends with the dude who played Lance and for some reason he was a blond. I remember fighting thing really fat bitch, I mean knocked her out. I was back handing her and punching her, I can't remember why either. Then I got into a fight with a chick hitting on "Keith" and "Lance". She was sitting on the couch thing with them, in between them and I came back for beating that other girls ass and I was pissed so I said "Get the fuck up." And she did but sat in "Lances'" lap. I guess that was fine with me, even thought I still hated her. So yeah, I was making out with "Keith" and then later on they put on their costumes for the movie and I remember getting a little freaked out for some reason cause the outfits scared me, I have no fucking clue why but whatever haha
I remember thinking to myself that I had to tell Jenee about this and low and behold she shows up with Stevie and they were sitting with Killswitch Engage for some reason or what it Five Finger Death Punch, probably both. Anyway it seemed like it turned into an award show or something haha
I'm sure other weird shit happened but I can't remember. I don't even rememeber there being anything to have to do with Thundercats, which is weird cause they were a part of it too. Who knows. All I know is the dude I was making out with was cute and he was playing Keith and thats just a plus for me! Voltron fucking rules and I just might have to throw my dvds on today :]

My mom had this really weird house which was like a cave type thing and there was water all over the place. And in my dream she was young again, with long hair, and she was getting married to some random dude. All of a sudden Drake Bell shows up and we're all in love and swimming in the water together.
I don't remember what happened after that, all I know is I ended up at this really weird place where they had a bunch of celebrity impersonators and some real celebs too. We'll, I remember they had a place where casts from movies were hanging out, Timothy Olyphant and the people from GO were there. Pirates of the Caribbean. And others. Also people from tv shows, like Hugh Laurie, The dude who plays house, except he had brown makeup on to make him look like a black dude. I recognized him and I knew for a fact that it was him and not some imposter, so I asked him for a hug blah blah blah, then he starts to hit on me and I'm like wtf. Then I told him I was going to look for the dudes who were pretending to be Murphy and Connor from the Boondock Saints(they were terrible at it too). But I'm getting a head of myself. Other weird shit happened like Timothy and I almost having sex in the water and seeing the cast of Entourage(I have never seen that show and I think Brody whats his face was missing). There were people dressed up like the seven dwarfs. Half of the shit that happened I can't even remember, all I know is that it was really fucked up. That's what I get for watching Invasion of the body snatchers and watching The broken hearts club(star studded) before I go to bed. What was weird is that I would wake up a little bit, like be half asleep and a little awake and I think I would be awake and apparently I was dreaming cause I told someone about the dream with in my dream. There was this weird movie theater thing in the building too, and famous people(or fakes) were watching a movie in weird costumes. Then I run into the pirates of the caribbean section and almost get cut up by an on coming sword. Then I find the dudes who are playing BDS but I some how manage to lose them and then I woke up. I'm sure there was more I forgot like the snow white and her prince dolls and shit. But that dream was so goddamn weird.
The Timothy part was indeed the best.


I loved the dream I had the other day, the one where I married(or nearly before snoring woke me up) David Cook. I remember David C and David A were at this party I was at and they were doing a show with gold shiny shirts on. The shirts were open and they both didn't have shirts on underneath it and the weird part is I thought it was weird that it was January and they were wearing that shit, I didn't find it weird that they were at a random party(with each other no less) with gold shirts on. Then I can't remember what happened all I remember was I was running after David Cook and he was going to a wedding, which turned out to be his and the other David's, yes they were getting married to each other LMFAO!!!! I know right! Some how DC and I ended up together and for some reason I was talking to someone about him like he was Timothy Olyphant, saying that he was tan looking because he was from Hawaii, but I knew that it was David. So weird. I remember kissing him too. Then as we are standing at the alter thing(which I don't ever remember there being one, or a priest for that matter) some lady commented on how white I was. And then I woke up by being rudely awaken by snoring. I can't remember if I was wearing a dress or not but damn that was an interesting dream.

Boy do I sound like a fucking retard. Oh well. The mind is a strange thing. The house part was the weirdest I think, like why was he pretending he was black and why was he hitting on me and kissing my hand? Oh and I just remembered there being not only celebs and fakers there but there were regular joes there too, like random chicks and dudes. God I wish I could remember more. Oh well.

Isn't it amazing how a smell or a song can trigger memory?
Listening to the songs I was earlier reminded me of some feelings, like when I first heard the song. I can't really say what those feelings were either. They weren't really emotions. But I know what those feelings went a long with, a face. Even though the song had no connection to that face what so ever. Now I'm tired, but I'm waiting for this movie to load, so I can see a new face. He doesn't even know the kind of power he holds over me. And he probably doesn't want to or shouldn't know, not that he's ever going to for that matter. But if he did, oh how he could destroy me.
For me it's: pretty boys = early grave.
damn.


post script:
You should have never watched that movie to begin with.



FIN

Today's video is Stephen Dorff and Natasha Henstridge(sp?)in the movie Steal, it's called something else too and I can't think of it. I mean it has an alternative name too.
The reason I like it is because well, fuck, the man is gorgeous and the scene is so damn hot! haha



I couldn't find a decent video of Deacon Frost. But I do like this scene where Deacon is out in the sun wearing his super duper sunblock and confronts Blade. God Stephen is a sexy bastard!




Oh and while we are on the Mr. Snipes subject:
MAAAAAAAAAAAN I fucking love this movie!

So the True Blood episode 10 is amazing. Some nice twists and turns and things I didn't expect. I loved Sookie's reaction to Sam being...well what he is. And there was some other shit that made me laugh and other shit that made me do the "omg he's/she's not gonna do that!" face hahah
So all in all I loved it. I can't wait for the next episode. Lafayette better watch his back or something cause Jason's little girl toy fuuuuuuuuuucked up big time. AHHH I wanna watch ep 11 riiiight now. :[
Oh and Bill's been a naughty vampire. Oh and whats up with the naked lady(i think) and the pig in the middle of the street that Tara almost hit, that was fucking weird and retarded.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH. The part I loved was when Sookie was talking to Terry about how she wished Bill was at the party and Terry gets this crazed look on his face and goes into his own little fucked up world and he's like "There are some dead people I wish were around too"(or something like that) and his eyes seem to glaze over in thought and he looks absolutely nuts haha Amazing! Thought sad, I feel bad for Terry and I feel the same way about what he said.

Today's video goes to: 30 Seconds To Mars. THE KILL.
Why? Because it's a fucking fantastic video. The first time I saw it I feel in love with it. I love The Shining and all that. Great song and great band too. Plus... Jared Leto is a hunk. MY favorite part is where Jared meets himself in the hall way and they have a little shouting match. JARED IN A TUX! -dies- XD! Everytime I see it I drool haha. I am amazed by his voice. The first song I heard by them was Capricorn(new name) and ever since then I was hooked. Recently I've been getting into them and lot and listening to their songs like non-stop. Anyway with out further ado. THE KILL.

Since I hardly use my journal anymore I was thinking maybe I should throw up some videos I love every day or week or month which ever I remember to do haha Tonight I was thinking of some old bands I used to listen to and came upon this:

I love this video. I remember the first time I saw it, it was on mtv2 around halloween and I thought it was awesome and I fell in love with that band instantly, no to mention Pouyan (yeah I know) is a babe. I'd have his children haha Their video for My Darkest Hour is also probably one of the best videos ever! It has me laughing every fucking second of it because it's just like something I would do, wait I have done that nevermind :] anyway today goes to scary kids.

I watched the first episode of True Blood, the new HBO series. I'm hooked. I have a new favorite show to watch now! yay.
Though, I must say, that the fang thing they have going on is a little campy. The way they have it is like the fangs are are hinges and just fall down in place or shoot back up and get stuck to the roof of the mouth. I don't like that, they should have done it like they did in Interview with a Vampire. I digress. It's a good show, I wasn't sure about Anna Paquin but she's actually starting to grow on me, the guy that plays Bill is kinda ugly to be honest haha. I didn't think that the sex thing would be that graphic, it's kind of like soft core porn meets Buffy, sort of. I never got into Buffy so I can't really talk about that actually, I've only seen the movie.
I didn't know there were True Blood books, now I am going to have to purchase those! :]
Now I just need to find the second episode online and I'll be good to go, gotta get caught up.

Now it's time to watch some good 'ol Vin Diesel. -drools all over-

I bought some Gene Kelly movies today. That man makes me so happy its ridiculous. Boy, do I wish it was the 1940's/50's. I'd be in Hollywood trying to catch a glimps of that handsome man. -sigh-

At 4 in the morning, yesterday, I woke up and started my Gene Kelly 24 hour marathon.
4 am Thousand's Cheer
6:30 am Anatomy of a Dancer
8:00 am Les Girls
10 am Take me Out to the ball game (which I tried to take a nap during since I own it but couldn't seem to fall asleep due to my cat taking up the whole bed)
12 pm For me and my gal
2 pm Summer Stock
4 pm An American in Paris (I took a bath during this one since I watched it the other day. [My favorite part in this one is when Gene dances for the little kids and teaches them some English])
6 pm On the Town
7:37 pm Singin' in the Rain ( I was going to take a nap while An American in Paris, On the Town and Singin' in the rain was on but I just decided to suck it up and stay awake)
9:30 pm Cover Girl (I didn't pay much attention to this movie but the part where he dances with his alter ego is amazing)
11:30 pm It's always fair weather (another I didn't pay much attention too but caught the jest of it, I love love love the part where he tap dances in his roller skates)
1:30 That's entertainment (which lasted until 4 am, I made it until about 3:30ish after they talked about Gene, there was probably more about him but I just felt I finished what I wanted to do and tired to sleep.)
I didn't get much sleep at all. My cats kept jumping on my bed every few minutes waking me up, then my mom came home and woke me up after I finally fell asleep so, I tried again and to no avail, so I woke up and now here I am. I gotta say thought being tired right now was well worth it. TCM really knew how to make my heart swell and burst :] Gene Kelly is and will always be one of my favorite musical men.
His birthday is coming up on Saturday and I plan on celebrating it, I don't know how but I'm going to anyway.
The things I do for a good looking man.

I'm surprised they didn't play Anchors Aweigh...such a great movie.

I'm in the midst of making a scrap book of sorts. Things that I love, things that make me happy, things that I can pass down to my children or just to leave behind for some one special. I hope to be able to fill it with pictures and quotes and lyrics. Hopefully it will be full.
Maybe it will be something I can look back on and laugh. I am looking for pictures of old Hollywood legends right now. People like Lucille Ball, Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Bob Hope, Red Skelton, and Milton Berle. Then it's on to cartoons that I used to watch(and still do) then to tv shows I love, movies I love. So on and so forth. I hope this book will bring someone great pleasure to look at in the future and smile at the things they remember. I know I'm going to have fun making it.

I saw the Xmen origins: Wolverine trailer today and I gotta tell ya I fucking excited.
I got goose bumps at the end when Wolverine told Sabretooth he was going to "cut his gooddamn head off".
You know, I creamed my panties when I heard that Deadpool and Gambit were in the movie. I creamed another pair from when I heard Ryan Reynolds was going to play Deadpool. Then I creamed my whole entire bed when I watched the trailer today. I hope the little bugger who plays Gambit can pull it off. Cajun accent and all. If not I'm goin' to shoot him personally. :]
I want to make sweet lovin' to the person who went to the comic convention and recorded this shit, they made me a happy Amber!

I bought a new camera today, a Nikon Coolpix L18. So far it works really well. It even comes with a tv hook up, so I can look at pictures and videos on my tv, and even take pictures while its hooked up to the tv. Awesome. It takes much better pictures than my crappy Kodak Easy Share one. This camera is a 8mp and my Kodak is only a 5mp, so there ya have it.


It rained today. At first it was just a sprinkle with huge drops, then it turned into a down poor. There was about a dozen people standing with us waiting for the bus, we got drenched and it was freezing out too, when earlier it was like 100 degrees out, it was nice but it sucked to get stuck in it. I took the Target bag out of my purse and put it over my head hahah it didn't do much good but I kept my make up from running all over my face, I guess. Too bad it wasn't warm rain I would have danced in it, which reminds me, my mom and I were singing "Singing in the rain" haha it was pretty funny. My shoes got drenched and weighed like 30 pounds hahahhah good times.

So I saw the Dark Knight on Saturday and Tuesday and I gotta tell you, I love it.
Well I was more in love with the whole Heath Ledger performance, to tell you the truth. Bale's batman bores me and the batman voice sheesh, talk about swallowing bleach and razor blades. Bad bad bad, bad Bale. The other thing I didn't like was how fast Two-face got the shaft. It took him forever to become Two-face and then he just up and "died". How lame. Plus the ending was bad and the way the joker part just ended so abruptly was bad.
I gotta tell ya, I was blown away by the Joker and Two-face's make up/CGI shit. Amazing. Now it the whole story was about the joker, I would have been happy. I love me some batman but not Bale. Don't like him as batman at all. Mr. Keaton is the only batman for me.
The greatest parts of the movie, of course have to do with the joker, is the pencil magic trick and the nurse out fit. BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN! But I still liked it, just for the joker parts....ooooooooh and the small cameo made by the ever sexy Cillian Murphy. RAWR. Lots of giggles to be had while watching this film. :] I give it a two thumbs up for obvious reasons.

"Contrary to what you might believe," A voice from behind the camera said. The lens was pointed on a group of frightened individuals. Tape covered their mouths, blind folds covered their eyes, their heads hung low. Their hands bound with a gracious amount of duct tape, standing, their backs to the wall.
"Hero's don't get to have all the fun. No, you see its us bad guys who really get the party going. You know, setting it off with a bang. For what is a hero without a villain? Huh?" The man turned the camera on his face. Scarred and painted. "Thats right, just a every day normal Joe with a do-good-er personality. Bah! With out us he has no one to chase, no one to put away, no one to stop before the worst happens. Villains make the world go round. Well, lets just see if the so called hero of fine Gotham shows up tonight."
He motioned six men to line up before him, they each stood in front of the twelve kidnapped people, massive machine guns in hand.
"You might want to back up or put on a rain coat, this is going to be messy." He smiled, licked his lips, and pushed the camera man back from the group. Those twelve had one thing in common, this was their last night alive.
"Oh, this is going to be beautiful! You getting this?" He said. The six armed men, who had plastic, cheap, colorful clown masks, aimed the guns.
"And let the fireworks begin!" With a clap of his hands the guns exploded into a furious roar. The bullets blasted through the skin of the twelve, tossing blood through the air.
The laughter from the men behind the "scenes" was lost in the spray of fire and blood.
The guns stopped.
"You see that! Now thats brilliant!" He strode towards the pile of people and duct tape. "Bet ya couldn't do it again," He whispered to the dead. "Such a lovely performance. Give these fine folks a round of applause!" Silence. He turned around on his heels to his crew, the tails of his purple coat twirling seconds behind.  "I said clap!"
Broken, awkward clapping echoed the small room.
The man walked to the camera.
"I saw a show once," He said licking his lips. "about a crazed man. He went on a killing spree until he got what he wanted. Well," His face got closer to the camera, smiling.
"Monkey see monkey do," He face became ever so serious. "This is my show now and the hero doesn't win in this story."
The camera shook and pointed to the floor, making jerky movements.
"Good job guys," He turned to walk away. "Oh, and you're fired." Shots rang out and the camera fell to the floor shutting off. 





Note: I wrote this after watching the movie, of course, but I wrote it in a different way. I changed a lot of things, but mostly kept the dialog the same. At first it was going to be about some random guy but since I love the Joker, I made the character as him instead. I was thinking about making this a full story but I'm not sure yet. This might need some tuning to it, since I wrote it very quickly so don't mind the typos and such.
Gotham and Joker are owned by the DC universe yada yada yada.